matturday: so I ended my english presentation with “these fatal flaws brought macbeth to his macdeath” and at least 60% of the class groaned
audino: “youll be home alone for a few hours is that okay”
samischino: frapputwinko: I hate when people cry in front of me like should I pat their head, should I grab their ass I don’t fucking know
wxng: Reasons to Date Me: No one will ever try to steal me away from you. Sometimes I’m funny. That’s all i have
mundanemerman: Tomorrow is my last day on the stage guys. Gonna miss you babe
cozely: I really want to hear Obama say “nigga please” just once
akane-tamru: Today my sister asked me for a glass of cold water and i sarcastically asked her “how cold” and she said “as frigid as your love life”
azogsgymcoach: aftershe: egberts: lets have a sleepover and ignore each other while we blog and occasionally show eachother funny text posts That’s college. That thing you said is college.
Person: What state do you live in?
Like you can boss me around in sexual situations but you better not try to tell me what to do in regular life
katkinkat: *forgets to talk to friends for 4 weeks*
Tumblr app: I'm done loading
Me: but what about all these blank pictures and gifs
Tumblr app: did I fucking stutter
moltres: overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them
lydiabutz: This guy in my art class forgot his paint brush so he just cut off a chunk of his hair and taped it to a pencil. I feel like he has more commitment to fine art than I do.
when guys are dressed in suits and they unbutton the top of their shirt and they undo their bowtie but keep it hanging under their collar and maybe they roll up their sleeves a bit and their hair is all disheveled and boys
Basically just took a shit on my chem exam cus I failed that 👍
bandbutts: If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore
robertoluongo: in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke